As soon as i finished my Engineering I had two options: take up higher studies or take up work. There was an unexplored third option getting married :P. I picked to work thinking i would for few days and then quit and take up masters which never happened and till date i work with the same company. Had borrowed two years of time from my parents which got over before i realized. Used to sit and pray that i get my onsite opportunity sooner so i could just run away from all this and buy some more time. Was lucky enuf i did get an oppurtunity when i borrowed an years time and did fly off to Kansas, USA away from everybody. First time in my life time i had been away from Home. My life's biggest question of why should i get married? was answered within few months of this tenure. First time i felt how it is to stay away from family, with strangers, with friends. Learnt lot many things in life which i truly beleive would not have if I would have stayed back at my place. This changed the direction in which my life was heading completely. From a pampered kid to an individual, the change I went thru was drastic.
My parents were always there to remind me that i need to decide something as my year was getting over. Not sure what's the right thing to do i have been thru emotional crisis countless number of times. Was torn between my beleifs and rules of society. Nor was I able to accept the rules nor give up my beleifs. Day after day the tension went thru by my parents, siblings increased. Nor was i able to accept the fact they had to go thru this nor was i able to do something to bring them out of this. Only consoling thing i could do was look into the profile sent by my parents.
Before i met my dream boy "Naveen" there are three people whom i spoke to with this regard. The whole process which was highly uncomfortable at one point of time had become not so painful task. First guy whom i spoke was an extreme extrovert. Had done his MS in US and was working in US. Had spoken to me probably twice or thrice when i figured out he was someone who had spoken to one of my friend for a couple of months and rejected her when he met her in person. When I casually asked him if he knew my friend his reaction was shocking. That being the last talk with him and not having to even give a second thought i knew he can never be the one. Was i lucky nuf i was able to know about this person so easily or unlucky to have met him as the first person in this regards. He had left a fear in me " I am not going to marry someone i would not know" The fear was so strong and i was so hurt that i did propose to one of my friend thru mail whom i trusted. This friend of mine did not break my trust and did give me a push when i was about to break. He took three days of time to reply me back. The three days in this whole year i could say when i did not think about anything. Just felt the ball is out of my court now. I am gonna accept whatever it leads to. He replied back in his words what kind of a gal he sees me as giving me an insight of my own self. I am really thankful to him for having taken that time during which i was able to build my own self back. Glad enough this stupidity of mine did not affect our friendship. He still remains one of my closest pals.
Second guy whom i spoke was an extreme introvert. Once again a Engineer working in US. A nice sweet homely guy. Nothing bad but still nothing which drove either of us to speak with each other. One or two times we spoke which led nowhere. Finally since both of us were so uninterested our parents dropped it out.
By this time it was November 2007 and my one year was over. I was just going thru the biggest emotional crisis of my life not knowing what to do to keep my parents happy as well not give up what i beleive in. I had been to Vegas and was just back when my parents passed me the matrimonial id they had created and where using. They wanted me to update my details and help them a bit in the search. Times of life when i get over sentimental and do things. I glanced thru a couple of profiles and picked one. The guy mailed me back. A very uninteresting mail. Normal day i would not have thought of writing back but somehow replied. We exchanged a couple of mails. Except the first one the guy was pretty impressive in his rest of mails. He had done his MS in US and was working in California. Was presently in Bangalore on a vacation. In everymail of his he sounded as if he was my mirror image. Had same set of hobbies, interests, behavoiur etc. I used to write and he used to write back strange i have the same set of opinions. Got to know after a few days he got engaged to a gal whom he saw during this visit in India. When it was a nice experience to know that there was a guy who atleast sounded a bit close I was quiet surprised to know he was able to say Yes to a gal after meeting her once.
Few more months passed by during which i put the thought of marriage to some inaccesible corner of my mind. Life is definitley like a sine wave full of ups and downs. It was March and i once again happened to go thru the same old emotional crisis. As my birthday was nearing i was being broken. I was unhappy that i was becoming reason of unhappiness in my parents life not able to convince them and not able to do anything i finally made up my mind to give a last try before i take up my masters. I let them know if i cannot find anyone by the time i take up my higher studies i would just take away the idea of getting married for few years. I created my profile in two matrimonial site which i never logged in to. March 18th two days before my birthday i logged in to the matrimonial sites and answered to few people who had shown interest. Naveen was one of them.
March 20th 2008, my birthday, from previous two years this day has been the most saddest days of my life. No matter how much i cheer myself up, my parents cheer me up, my friends cheer me up, my sibings cheer me up i have landed up spending the evening sulking. I spoke to Naveen for two or three times after this day. A nice cheerful handsome guy. Had done his BHM, MBA. A very individualistic person. Passed on the profile to my parents who found he was of a different sub-sub caste. My elder sister and brother fought with my dad and convinced him not to make a issue out of this. This i came to know from my grandma when i had been home. I liked everything about him but somehow was not able to convince myself for entering institution of marriage. I felt like i was drowning my own effort of finding someone. Was just thinking probably i should drop the whole idea of getting married for two years and continue with my life. After five days he asked me on what i felt and what was my decision. I bluntly replied back you are a wonderful person who can become my friend. Is it anything more than that i am not sure. As i don't know you even though I have no reason for a No i cannot say a whole hearted Yes as well. My parents and siblings where quiet angry with me this time. I do not blame them as i had no reason for saying a No but was not able to convince them why was i not able to say a Yes. I was surprised to see the way he received my answer. He called me up to speak to me and asked if i would want to take some more time and know him more than decide. As he did not pose any fear and was ok with whatever would be the decision i agreed to talk to him for some more time before i decide. In the meanwhile his Dad visited my home and conveyed that it was an Yes from there side. My parents had liked the profile and now it was becoming more and more difficult for me as the pressure was too much. Every other day i happened to fight with my parents and siblings trying to convince them. I thought of visiting my home taking a vacation and felt it would be more easier to convince them face to face rather than on phone. In the meanwhile my Sister happened to choose a guy and her wedding got fixed. Finally the focus shifted of from me and i felt like i was releived.
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